I’m writing this in January, the time of year when we’re encouraged to become better versions of ourselves in the next 12 months.
I’m all for that if it’s actually something you want to do, but sometimes accepting you are a certain way and moving on is a lot more productive. Here’s an example of this from this week:
There are visibility and marketing things I could be doing to reach a fully booked client roster. This would make a big difference in my business revenue over the long term.
Yet, I continue to not do them, month after month.
Every year I think I’ll do better.
But every year, I fail to do any one of them consistently.
This disappoints me in myself.
WHY can I not seem to do these simple things regularly? When I think about this, the questions start:
“Why don’t I just get it done? Am I lazy? Not smart enough? I don’t want to succeed enough?”
And so the mental beating begins…
Who else here has had these types of unhelpful, down-the-rabbit-hole mental conversations? They don’t produce any helpful information, so I work to journal it all out, then usually go do something physical like a walk to reset.
Then invariably, I re-resolve!
“This time I’ll do it! This time I’ll make a better schedule! This time I’ll use a project manager! This time…”
Then months pass, and nothing really changes.
The truth is, I’ve had plenty of time and motivation to get this done.
I just won’t do it.
This year I’m finally admitting it. I’ve found it freeing.
Now I can look for other solutions, instead of being determined that I just need to “do better” and going in circles. I have permission to try other things! Now that I finally admitted I’m not going to change and made peace with it, I can put energy into solving the actual problem.
It’s Ok to accept who you are.
What you will and will not do.
What you’re good at and what you need help with.
Yes, you will then have to accept that there are consequences to whatever this means, but once you admit those exist you can decide “can I live with them or not?” instead of pretending they are going to go away or get better. If there’s some area of your life this has been going on for years, it may be time to accept who you are and move on.
In my case, the facts are: My business needs a marketing department!
It’s been long enough I can say that’s not a role I’m going to fill. No blame. No shame. That’s just the truth.
This has let me start to think about how I could find a solution to the actual problem instead of another year of hoping I change.
As another example, I remember I also did this when I was a stay-at-home mom. I hate crafting. It is just not my thing. My daughter LOVES it. Week to week, I would try to come up with crafty ideas. Planning for it, shopping for it, doing it, cleaning up after it. OMG. It all exhausted me. Sounds silly but it was true.
Then one day I said out loud “I don’t like crafting!…I DON’T CRAFT!”.
It was a beautiful freeing moment!
Suddenly the problem to solve became “how can my daughter craft?” instead of about me being better at crafting because that’s what a stay-at-home mom was “supposed” to do and “supposed” to enjoy.
I signed my daughter up for library craft hour. I ordered “project boxes” with videos that showed her how to do it while I had a cup of coffee and supervised from afar. I outsourced crafting! It was wonderful and beautiful, and I could finally just be the mom I am, not the one I kept imagining I should be.
Is this happening for you somewhere in life or work?
What if this year, you just said “I don’t….”?
How does that feel?
What are other ways it could still get done? Does it even need to be done? What are other options?
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me! I’d love to get some “I DON’T….” emails!!
You are doing enough.